I am not sure about you, but 2017 was a tough year not only for all the tensions going on in the world, but also for me personally. By the end of the year, I was completely drained both mentally and physically and also went through a breakup that I did not see coming. I know that there are quite a few of you whom I have not told or found out much later on and I would just like to make clear that it is not because I don't care or value our friendships, it is simply because I needed time to process everything quietly and personally. Now that it is out in the open, lets meet up and grab a drink!
The first few weeks afterwards were rough, I went back and forth between feeling like a failure and like I had completely wasted my time. Thankfully, I have an amazing family and the few friends that I did tell were there for me through the tears and confusion. I was sad, but at some point you have to start picking up the pieces and move forward.
Something that really helped me with this was a YouTube video, as lame as it sounds. It was a video about a girl who had been involved in the Aurora movie theater shooting and basically had her leg blown off by the shooter. She talked about her experience living through the pain and fear of the whole situation. What stood out to me was her outlook on the fact that while she can now walk and live a fairly normal life, she has to deal with extreme chronic pain everyday however, she keeps going and pushing through by finding joy in the little things. It is hard when you are going through something no matter how big or small to look for the good things and appreciate them.. I feel that I had lost that part of myself however, as soon as I watched that video it felt as though a switch had been flipped in my head. At first it was not easy and it was as simple as playing with Pippin or going for a walk and taking the time to enjoy the sunshine and crisp air. Now, it is not so difficult to find; I have so much to be thankful for including my time in Calgary. I have now had time to reflect and can take responsibility for myself and see where I contributed to the relationship not working out but it also made me realize not only what I am looking for in a partner but also what I was lacking in the first place and that my priorities are not what I thought they were.
Moving forward: In opening myself up to meet new people, I have learned so much about what I am looking for, not just in a romantic relationship but in any kind of relationship that I may have in the future. I need people in my life who challenge my way of thinking, allow me to be honest without fear of judgement and people who are authentic to who they are and to those around them no matter the flaws. Whatever happens or doesn't happen in the future, I am so grateful for this lesson. :)
So where do I go from here? I think that as long as I continue to find happiness in the little things, find compassion for others and for myself, continue to live my life honestly and to embrace the idea of growing and learning about who I am and what I want in my life, that everything is going to work out just fine and I am excited to see where it takes me!